exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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