Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
