im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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