And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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