I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
