Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
