We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
