Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
