just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
