I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
