last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
