if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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