I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
