I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
