so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
