I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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