I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
