my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
