my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
