I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
