woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
