Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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