proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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