the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
