i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
