There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
