Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
