My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
