LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
