My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
