I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
