Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
