Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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