i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize