all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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