The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
