dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
