My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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