Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
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