I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It's Friday. Sex?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
