Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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