Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
