Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
