Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the day after is always just damage control
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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