Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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