i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
