As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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