We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
