There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
