Sorry, I don't speak sober.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My day in three words: secret purse cake
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Randomize
