You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
