I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
