you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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